Early on a Saturday morning we took an Uber to the car rental depot near the airport, chatted with the nice rental agent from Manchester, and set off in an almost new MG3 (far better than the car grade we’d paid for) for a mammoth 450 mile drive South East to Esperance. Debbie was nervous for many reasons (1) there were bush fires on our route, (2) we were going into the middle of nowhere and may struggle to find petrol stations, (3) it was a 7.5 hour drive and we only had 9 hours until our accommodation reception closed, (4) Steve really wasn’t up to driving even though he insisted that he was. Anyway, it turned out that there was nothing to worry about and it was a pleasant drive through lovely countryside.

We soon learned that in Western Australia the term ‘Highway’ probably just means that it’s a sealed road – actually, scrap that, it could be an unsealed dirt track too! Apart from the 10 miles or so around Perth, the roads are single carriageway and not very fast. Not a bad thing as Debbie had read that speed limits are strictly enforced and most people did tend to stick to them. Terrified of running out of petrol, Debbie insisted on stopping for a fuel top up every time we saw a service station, only relaxing once we had 500Km of range in the tank and 100Km to our destination. We saw hardly any traffic apart from ‘Road Trains’ – triple trailers being pulled by 1 cab, up to 42m (we think) in length, and an absolute bugger to overtake. We also learned that Australian caravan drivers are nutters – nothing like their English cousins and almost universally with a death wish!

Esperance

Debbie drove all the way as Steve clearly wasn’t well enough to be in charge of a vehicle and we made it to Esperance in exactly the 7.5 hours that Apple Maps had predicted. We’d booked a cabin at RAC Esperance Holiday Park right on the seafront and it was a lovely place to spend 3 nights – new, modern and very well equipped. Steve’s sister Linz had stayed in some holiday parks when she visited Oz a couple of years ago and said they were excellent – she was right, the Aussies do these things exceptionally well.

We managed to make it to the supermarket (Woolworths, the more upmarket Australian supermarket, but Sainburys rather than Waitrose standard) just before closing and loaded up with steaks for the BBQ, pasta, wine and beer. The supermarkets don’t sell booze but tend to have a BWS shop at the entrance and there was no 24-7 shopping here – the supermarket and bottle shop closed at 5pm on Saturday and didn’t open on Sunday, so the locals were panic-buying! Debbie also bought the aforementioned covid test here – what a choice, most combined with a flu test (lucky that!) and so inexpensive.

Esperance features on many itineraries as an optional but worthwhile (very) long detour from the usual South-West loop from Perth. Debbie had consulted numerous sources to ascertain whether it was worth the detour and the consensus was overwhelmingly YES – so let’s see what the fuss is all about…

Day 1 – Great Ocean Drive, a 40Km circular route with multiple stopping points. From the first, Rotary Lookout, we KNEW that Esperance had indeed been worth the detour. Blindingly white sands and turquoise seas, with pods of dolphins near the shore. Oh god, we’d surely peaked too soon and the rest of Australia would pale in comparison. Here we were, in a place that most Australians won’t even have heard of, and it was paradise. Stop after stop the beaches got bigger and whiter and the seas got bluer. Eventually we stopped for some sunbathing at the gorgeous Twilight Beach – slightly reassured that there was a shark warning system in place. Heading inland Pink Lake was no longer pink but was an impressive sight nonetheless.

Day 2 – Cape Le Grand National Park, about 60Km from Esperance, was supposedly the highlight of the region but it was difficult to believe that it would surpass the sights we’d seen the previous day. Well it certainly did – seeing Great Ocean Drive’s beauty and raising the stakes significantly. Bloody hell – truly stunning, with possibly the best beaches we’ve ever seen. Perhaps not quite as postcard-perfect as the Maldives, but far more spectacular due to the scale. And with so few people you could almost have a beach to yourself. First stop was Lucky Bay, apparently one of THE best places in Oz to see kangaroos in the wild. Debbie dreamed of taking the iconic photo of a ‘roo hopping along the white expanse of beach with the turquoise ocean as a backdrop, but it wasn’t to be, we’d need to drag our arses out of bed far earlier in the morning to get that shot! Never mind, it was beautiful anyway, as were Thistle Cove and Hellfire Bay. There may have been no kangaroos but we did spot a snake and a huge lizard on the path to the beach – we do need to remember that Australia has things that can kill us. The climb up Frenchman Peak is a must-do when in the area, but we decided that’d be more certain to kill us than the wildlife!!

Randomly there was an replica of Stonehenge tourist attraction on the way back to Esperance – funnily enough we didn’t bother buying a ticket.

Yes, Esperance is a bloody long way from Perth, or anywhere else for that matter, but we were more than happy to have made the effort to get there. The area was an unexpected delight and very likely to be a highlight of not only Western Australia but of the whole county.

Denmark (the town not the country!)

Another long drive of 350 miles and 5.5 hours from Esperance, along the South Coast Highway (single carriageway road, not quite the M1) through blistering air temperatures. At 43 degrees the aircon in the car was struggling to work properly and the heat hit us like a tonne of bricks when we stopped to refuel. Temperature swings in Western Australia are pretty extreme and this heatwave brought the mercury to a whopping 19 degrees above average for this normally more temperate part of the country.

We stopped for groceries in Albany – the 3rd biggest ‘city’ in Western Australia, with a population of only 35,000 yet a metropolis compared with the towns we’d passed through, and we encountered the first traffic and proper shops we’d seen since Perth. We’d needed to choose between Albany and Denmark as our base, and Debbie was pleased that we’d opted for the latter.

Steve had found accommodation at Wine Tree Estate in the grounds of Denmark Chocolate Company and had chosen incredibly well. We’d needed to increase our accommodation budget for Oz (no India or South East Asia prices here!), and even that wasn’t going to touch the sides over the Christmas period, and although over-budget this place was remarkable value at £140/night. The owner Christine had spent 35 years working for international hotel groups and, although she didn’t explicitly say so, we suspect that Raffles Singapore was amongst them. Wherever, she’d learned a thing or two (understatement) about hospitality and what makes an outstanding guest experience. Christine and Dave had bought the chocolate business a couple of years ago and built themselves a house and 2 chalets (which opened this year) on the adjoining land. We do prefer our retirement plan to theirs though. Our chalet was nothing short of gorgeous – stylishly furnished, an outstanding bed with feather mattress topper, luxurious toiletries from Vasse Virgin in Margaret River, freshly braked bread, fruit, cereals, Vegemite and jams, fresh juices, posh teas, Nespresso, luxury hot chocolate (2 types), marshmallows, a bottle of decent local Shepherds Hut Shiraz, a box of exquisite chocolates from Denmark Chocolate Company, a cocktail shaker (FFS!), bathrobes, slippers and a huge spa bath overlooking the forest. Even the ironing board was by Joseph Joseph and Debbie wants one when we get home!

What a fabulous place to hole up for a few days and watch the baby ducks waddle past the door – and that’s pretty much what we did. Steve was still poorly and Debbie had started to cough – she tested positive for Influenza A too, but with nowhere near the intensity of Steve’s.

The Denmark area is a gourmet paradise with a plethora of wineries, cideries and cheeseries located on a scenic 20 mile drive through the woods. A real shame that we didn’t fancy eating or drinking so missed the best of the region, but we did drive through some gorgeous countryside which in some respects reminded us of Devon. The coastal areas were pretty stunning too, almost impossible to believe after what we’d already seen around Esperance – Greens Pool and Elephant Rock showcasing more white sand and turquoise seas against striking rock formations, and Ocean Beach where the Wilson Inlet meets the sea offering amazing contrasts, shallow water walking and beginners surfing. This truly is a lovely area to spend a few days or longer.

Pemberton

Moving into the South West Forests, we stopped at the Valley of The Giants and took the treetop walk 40m above the forest floor and into the canopy of the huge Tingle trees – spectacular and only a little scary.

The town of Walpole was a nice stop en route – by the side of a huge sea inlet which appeared to be a massive lake, with the campsite on the shore edge reminding Debbie of Kellerman’s in Dirty Dancing.

Our accommodation didn’t stand a chance after the luxury of Wine Tree Estate. Log Cabin B&B was a very traditional (‘twee’) place run by an elderly couple, Geri & Bernie. The hospitality was superb – a welcome platter of cheese, olives and freshly baked bread and a delicious continental breakfast spread somewhat made up for the old-fashioned and rather sparse (but spotlessly clean) room. Luckily we were the only guests as otherwise we’d have been sharing the B&B bungalow, including the eating/seating room, with another couple and that might have felt a bit like staying at a hostel. Not that we know what at a hostels is like, and Debbie is quite clear that she doesn’t intend to find out! A bird theme was apparent, we were in the Blue Wren room, and it was clear why – from our little balcony we could watch all manner of birdlife in the garden, and once Geri stocked the feeders on the balcony we got visitors including a parakeet. Great if you like birds, a bit disconcerting if you’re phobic about them! Debbie is happy to observe from a distance but there’s no way she’d have been happy to sit out on the balcony with our feathered friends in close proximity!!

Pemberton is a sleepy little place in the middle of the Karri forests and a stay here is all about getting out into nature. Still not feeling the best, our interpretation of that was to take The Pemberton Tramway tourist trip into the woods – well we had to be careful not to over-exert ourselves, we’d been poorly! In many ways it reminded us of the Kingswear-Paignton Steam Railway – a cute little station with heritage features and enthusiastic staff. The ticket office guy wanted to discuss cricket with Debbie – of course he did, England were on the verge of losing the 3rd Test and so Australia would retain The Ashes, and he also pointed out that Piers Morgan had apparently predicted a 5-0 series whitewash by ‘England’s best ever squad’ over ‘Australia’s worst’. Oh well! The tram driver was a bit of a comedian too – with witty commentary accompanying the 30 minute ride out of town, past the old saw mill, across a couple of rickety river crossings, through the forest to the cascades. After a brief stop to take in the scenery, and the inevitable wait for the passengers who didn’t listen to the instructions on return time, we headed back into Pemberton and realised for the first time in days that we were hungry. This isn’t a town that embraces all day dining and it was a challenge to get lunch at 13-45 but we managed – Steve devouring eggs Benedict and Debbie beside herself at the loveliness of pesto mushrooms on sourdough. It felt like ages since we’d enjoyed food, and we did more of it that evening in the wine and tapas bar. Sadly they’d run out of the famed local marron (crayfish) so that delight eluded us.

Just outside Pemberton we encountered a forest lake at Big Brook Dam and the Beedelup Falls, crossing an ‘I’m a Celebrity’ style suspension bridge in the forest to reach the latter. Lovely surroundings that you start to take a bit for granted after everything we’d seen in the last few days.

After an 8 day road trip a little off the beaten track, but not exactly into the back of beyond by Western Australia standards, we’d seen some unexpectedly amazing places and were truly surprised by just how stunningly beautiful ‘The South’ was. A shame we’d been poorly and unable to fully enjoy it but there’s always next time. And now we were heading to our base for Christmas week – to relax, take in the beaches & scenery and TASTE/DRINK WINE…